Mental health professionals all over the world were being called on to advise citizens on how to protect their mental and emotional space. Being both a mental health professional and someone who felt the overwhelming despair of  2020 right alongside each of you let me just say, 2020 was HARD! Like, legit difficult. However, I believe there is power in honoring the difficulty that was experienced throughout last year. I believe there is power in honoring the frustration that 2020 brought to each life, family member, home and community. 

Only through the lens of difficulty and frustration are we able to recognize our true resiliency. Merriam-Webster defines resiliency as the ability of something to return to its original size after being compressed; and/or, an ability to recover from or adjust easily to adversity or change. 

You did just that. 

You panicked (as we all did, lol). You were fearful. Uncertain. Disconnected. Unemployed. Lonely. Sad. Isolated. We felt unsettled. Scared. Concerned. Overwhelmed. Angry. Outraged. Disregarded. Minimized. Unloved. Unseen. Unheard. 

What good can come of that? How can there be positives in the midst of that negative energy? Who would dare say, “Let us celebrate how far we have come?” You’ve got that right!

Me. I say, “Let us celebrate how far you’ve come!”

While, 2020 was something, it challenged extroverts to pause, rest and reflect. On the other hand, it challenged introverts to reach out to family, friends and utilize platforms they would otherwise shy away from. It forced employees who depend on the safety net of clocking in and out , to seriously consider their lifelong dream of entrepreneurship. It pushed people into their destiny of entrepreneurship which could quite possibly build generational wealth. It tested boundaries. It forced you to practice boundary setting. It helped you to find your voice when engaging in healthy boundary setting. It exposed you to the knee-jerk emotion of guilt surrounding boundary setting so that you can become comfortable with using your voice. It introduced you to new coping strategies. 2020 helped you to adopt new hobbies and self-care practices. It humbled you. It made you realize the precious gift of life. It reminded you to laugh more. It compelled you to reach out to a loved one. It made you realize you love someone. It aided you in forgiveness. It cleared the room for you to have open-honest conversation with a spouse. It insisted you hear and/or have conversation with people who don’t look like you. It exposed hate. It offered understanding. It ushered in compassion. It introduced patience.

Sometimes, we can’t control how change comes. We can only recognize when the game has changed. The year 2020 was a game-changer, for each one of us. This journey can be utterly painful, as it slowly reveals its beauty! No one knows what will happen this year. We can’t predict the future. However, one thing I am certain of is growth has happened. You have been forever changed.  You have been introduced to a new level of resiliency. Your POWER!

I can’t wait to see how the lessons of 2020 will bless your 2021. 

I am sure you had time to come up with your new year resolutions. Maybe you even tested out one or two of them. I hope it is going well and continues to go well for you.

As I reflected on 2018 and prepared to enter the new year, the word BALANCE continued to appear. I spent some time questioning, praying and meditating on why the word BALANCE was being presented to me. While I questioned, I took to Google (we are BFFs, lol) to see what the world wide web had to say about BALANCE.

The definition that instantly popped up read: “to keep or put something in steady position so that it does not fall.” Of course there were other versions of this definition but this one really resonated with me.

Too many times we operate from a “go hard or go home” mentality. There is nothing steady in this state of being. You are essentially operating in go-mode. Honestly, functioning in one extreme rather than the other, or go-mode, has probably worked for you in the past. Most likely you’ve never given thought to how you function. You just function (you just go) in a certain way and chalk it up to “that’s the way I’m wired.” Many of you were never taught to think about what you think about or challenge your “wiring.”

In doing so, I would dare to say some areas of your life have suffered. You have missed educational opportunities; unachieved career goals; suffered failed relationship after failed relationship; lost friends; or, isolated yourself from family and friends. Perhaps the “go hard or go home” mentality has created a space of unrealistic goals and expectations. You feel overwhelmed. You feel like a failure, disappointed because you have been unable to deliver. Some where along the way of “just going” you lost your steadiness. You fell. You are off BALANCE.

I’m here to tell you being off BALANCE can be dangerous to your mental health and emotional wellness. It can create worry, isolation, rapid heart beats, memory issues, insomnia, overthinking and trouble breathing. In the mental health world that’s called anxiety Click Here. It can also make you feel numb; exhausted; negative and frustrated; and effect your problem solving skills. Therapist term these symptoms as burn-out Take the Burn-Out Self Test. Why am I sharing this with you?

Well, I’m so glad you asked! I’m sharing this because I’m all about hitting the target, obtaining career goals and aspirations. However, thinking about what you think about, maintaining a good BALANCE in your life will prevent you from falling. BALANCE keeps you grounded and focused on the goals and expectations that you have set for yourself.

Whether you have committed this new year to a better diet; ending toxic relationships; becoming financially sound; loosing weight; building positive esteem; going back to school; or, securing that promotion remember to take a step back every day. Honor EACH step that you have taken towards your goal.

Be leery when you find yourself offering more judgement in a situation than grace; more isolation from others than engagement; more restlessness than relaxation.

Get to know how you are wired and ask yourself, “What is happening here?” What am I thinking? Why am I thinking this? How do I feel in this moment? What is driving the emotion? Then, make the necessary adjustments. In other words, check your positioning and recalibrate, as needed.

Breathe, good deep breaths. Know that life is always about the journey and all of its lessons. It is never about the destination. That is how you prevent the fall. That is how you remain steady and maintain your BALANCE.

LOVE, all of the LIGHT. PEACE and continued PURPOSE to each of you.

Stay Courageous, Gentle Souls. Courageous

Pearl Bryant, LCSW-S

Dear black girl, so vocal, so opinionated but life and its stereotypes of the “angry
black woman” have made you afraid speak.

Hey, my black girl. Yes, you!
Educated.
Intelligent.
You have so much knowledge up there.
Let me ask you beautiful black woman, when did you become so hesitant, so resistant,
so fearful to share?

My black girl. You are beautiful.
Your spirit.
Your heart.
You are not blessed by the way that you close yourself off, but you are blessed by
your servant leadership. That’s how your blessings start!

Hey, black girl. Yes, you!
Take off that superwoman cape.
Your power does not lie in the way that you hold your pain.
It’s your release. It’s the way your authenticity, your vulnerability is draped.

It hurts. He hurt you. They hurt you. You hurt yourself.
You are ashamed.
You are disappointed.
You are confused.
You feel dirty.
You feel disrespected.
You have every right to feel used.

It sucks.
It’s painful.
It feels like it will never end.
Dear black woman, where do you go when you’ve exhausted all of your family and
your friends?

Hey, black girl. You are resilient.
People love your warmth, your wittiness, your sass. Remember inside of you resides a beacon of light and your problems you can sur-pass.

My black girl. Yes, you!
Smile!
There is healing.
There is love in abundance for you.
Receive.
Be open.
Accept change.
Embrace newness.
Be intentional in all that you do.

Hey beautiful, vulnerable, courageous black girl.
You got this and I’ll be honored to sit and hold the space for you.
The universe is working this thing out on your behalf.
Just know that you have to be working too.

Stay Courageous, Gentle Soul. Courageous.
LOVE | LIGHT | PEACE | PURPOSE

If you are someone you know is in search of mental health services, visit Therapy For Black Girls for African American therapist https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/ in your area. For all my Texas visitors, check out my listing for detailed information on how we can begin to work together!

First, past hurt causes people to be angry. I mean, just down right rude and bitter. I believe we each have good in us and we each have bad in us. Those who tap into the bad more often have been affected by poor life experiences that have caused them to act out in more negative ways. Sometimes people who are negative and rude, have functioned this way for years. Years. They have no idea how to shift themselves to a place of contentment. They’re numb. It’s their normal. Until they are fed up with the outcomes of their interactions and relationships they will continue to spew negativity when other’s enter their space.

Secondly, unaccomplished dreams. Let me say that again. Unaccomplished dreams that you, with your talented self have been able to…well, accomplish. They can’t figure out for the life of them how you’ve been able to get it done. Your successes have left them feeling confused and inadequate. Replaying missed opportunities, frustrated with their unproductive days and inability to tap into resources that could’ve helped to clarify their purpose.

Lastly, your potential is a threat. People see in you what you don’t see in yourself. Your drive. Your passion. Your charisma. It oozes out of you like freshly made slime in a 2nd grade science classroom. There is nothing you can do about your “potential”. You can’t put a lid on it. You can’t cover it up. You wear it. People see it and they will become intimidated by it. You will be labeled aggressive, too direct, or a trouble-maker all in the name of your potential.

So what do you do with that? Well, I’m glad you asked! I think it’s important to understand the catalyst, so that you are better prepared for the conversation. Look. The reality is offenses will occur. People will be rude. People will be unwelcoming. There will be those who operate out of bitterness. They will slander your name. What will you do when you are disappointed? How will you handle the offense? What will set you apart from others?

Yeap, you could definitely go off and give someone a piece of your mind! However, what happens if you are in a professional setting? What if you value the relationship? What if it is a close relative or a childhood friend?

What if someone hadn’t realized how much they’ve been affected by their own missed opportunities until they witness you doing “big things”? Walking into your purpose, starting your business, embracing a career change, opening yourself up for a new love. What if a friend had not realized she was operating in negativity until you had the courage to bring it to her attention. You actually took the time to have the conversation. What if you could offer information, resources or a lead that feeds someone’s potential and nourish their purpose?

Today I want to encourage you to prepare yourself for disappointment. Prepare to be offended. Not because you are a target (although this may be true, too) but because people are people. People sit in different spaces throughout different periods of their lives. People have been hurt. Life gets hard. Opportunities are missed. Resources are lacking. Regrets exist.

Let’s shift the narrative from “cutting people off” to operating more out of “compassion”. Everyone is not disposable. Take time to gain an understanding. Practice forgiveness and invest in others. You are always a piece to someone else’s puzzle. How you handle others when you are under pressure, when you have been offended is a true test of your character. The journey is not always going to feel good but it will always be necessary. It’s necessary for your growth. It’s necessary in order for you to receive abundance. It’s necessary for your alignment.

Stay Courageous, Gentle Souls. Always Stay Courageous.

LOVE I LIGHT I PEACE I PURPOSE

I grew older. I invested my time and energy into people, into connections, into relationships. I began to understand “value”. I began to pay close attention to how I valued people, how I valued my connections, how I valued my relationships. I made it a point to model, to verbalize how I wanted to be valued. What I did not do was prepare myself for those who did not pay attention to or value me enough to…I mean, basically value me.

I found myself disappointed, feeling unworthy. Unappreciated. Angry. I found myself in conversation with friends, family members, co-workers- with a high pitch in my voice; wrinkles in my forehead; my concerns were validated- and at the end of what seemed like a never-ending %itch session the overall consensus was “it’s just the principle of the matter”.

Then a light bulb went off, it IS my responsibility to model to others how I want to be treated, valued and appreciated. It IS most definitely my responsibility to say these are the things I need to feel valued and appreciated-and when there has been an offense, it IS my responsibility to state that the offense has occurred. Then what do I do? I do nothing, I expect nothing. I just observe. Why?

First of all, value comes from within. The most powerful thing you can do is understand your worth, own it and others will begin to become aware of it. Secondly, it is not your duty to change the behavior of others; it is only your obligation to make the person aware. It is important to understand offenses will happen. It’s inevitable. People are made of error. It’s essentially what is being done after the offense has been bought to light that matters the most. In other words, what is done with the information (seen or unseen, heard or unheard) is a further testament of the value they have for you or the situation. Lastly, if you have made the person aware and the behavior goes unchanged, accept this behavior as one’s character- it’s their “principle”-and that’s just how they move when handling matters. Make a decision on how you will interact with the person moving forward, and until you see a change in their “principle”, stay consistently protecting your energy and watch those never-ending %itch sessions begin to decrease. It is not the way in which you were handled that brings resolve-it only reveals a person’s principles but the way in which you move based on how you were handled is what will bring you peace. Remember, it’s “just the principle of the matter”.

Go follow me on IG @pinnacleofpurpose

#Becourageous #beopen #beevolving

I was in a constant state of holding back, in fear of judgement, hurt and disappointment. This created a heavy burden. I was cloudy. I felt stuck in the circumstances, bound by my past and held hostage by my actions and the actions of others. Still, there inside me was that light-a flickering dull light. Through all of my experiences-my trauma, my disappointment, my depression I could see it. I could feel the warmth of the light. Although flickering and dull it was my constant reminder that there was something greater being birthed in me.

I’m sure all of us have a story, right? Most times we are “flickering”, pressing through, making the best out of a bad situation. We have all been disappointed, hurt, or abused in some capacity or another. The major, single most important difference between you and others is the measure of your resiliency, the flickering of your light. Today, I challenge you to feel the warmth of your light. Let it ignite your spirit, rejuvenate your soul, refresh your thought processes. When they ask you “why”, whether it be in regards to a career move, starting that business, entering a new relationship-reflect on your experiences, your successes, your disappointments, your goals and let the light of your soul respond with a “why not”. You are a resilient spirit. You are courageous. Know that your light will flicker at times, your responsibility is to not let it dim out. All that you need is within you. Center yourself and instead of asking yourself “why”, pose the question to yourself…. “why not”.

Stay Courageous, gentle soul. Courageous

LOVE I LIGHT I PEACE I PURPOSE